Friday, July 26, 2013

addiction

 So I planned on doing a post about how today is my dad's birthday and how nice it was that a certain family member came to visit also and dinner and a nice family time together. He's 78, after all.

 That won't be the post.

 Oh that family member came to visit, all right. Stoned. She was fidgety, bouncing all over the place, was loud and hummed throughout the dinner. (Yes, she hummed.) She tried to pick a fight with me and when I refused to argue back, she screamed and ran out of the restaurant.

 I wonder why I write about this. I may delete this once I realize it's too personal. I guess it's because keeping something like this hidden doesn't help anyone.

 I'm angry with her. Angry that she was so disrespectful to visit stoned. STONED.

 I'm sad that family hasn't been more direct with her. They've created the monster and now they're reaping what they've sown. I know that's harsh, but that's what you get when you don't tell a family member to STOP. We see what you're doing and STOP. Get help and STOP.

 I'm sad that she isn't getting help for this. I'm sad that our family keeps issues "hush hush," which I know has caused her more harm than good. I know she's a target of family gossip, which is sad. Vicious and sad.

 I've always felt blessed that drugs and alcohol have never been my issues. I've got plenty of 'em, (believe me) but not drugs and alcohol. I'll admit that I kind of feel for her though after taking ADHD meds. I had gotten that diagnosis at one time and tried stimulants, including Desoxyn. Desoxyn is the brand name for meth. I'm not kidding.

 The doctor prescribed too high of a dosage, which even had my insurance company doing a double take. I have never been more paranoid in my life after taking Desoxyn. My heart raced. Did I mention I was paranoid?

 I realized that I needed to get off Desoxyn when my insurance company refused to pay for a full prescription for me. I also quit seeing said doctor. I'm lucky.

 Said family member is on meth. Others have told me it's the worst drug to kick. She has to though, considering that it can cause you to have a heart attack or a stroke and is probably already frying her brain, considering that she's humming uncontrollably.

 I can only do so much though. I spoke to her about this a few years ago, which brought out an almost too vicious denial. You know the phrase, "You protest too much?"

 I can pray for her though. That is it. I feel what the outcome will be though.... 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

sadness and realizations


 To start things off, here's a cute picture of Biscuit. He's wearing a Thunder Shirt to see if he'll whine less when I leave the house. I'm happy to say that it helps, but not entirely. My next door neighbor was telling me that she hears him. She has uterine cancer, so I know that a whining dog doesn't help much when you're going through chemo. She's being nice now, but I know that his whining needs to stop soon or she won't be so nice much longer. Honestly, a sad realization came to me yesterday though when I took him to my parents house. He needs a yard to run around in. He was in heaven in their backyard and did not stop running. (He looks so cute when he runs!) I hate to say it, but I think the rescue may need to put him in a different foster home before much longer. It's not fair to the dog to be here. He's too big and enjoys open space. Granted, I do walk him 3 times a day, but he should enjoy being outdoors.  He has also snapped at me twice. No biting, but he has snapped. It's sad to say because he is a good boy, but I think the rescue may need to re-home him unless his whining gets better shortly.

 Other sadness is going on around me. Realizations about things in my life occurred last week after I got into an argument with someone. Friends are going through sadness also. It's just an odd time for my circle of life.

 So anyway, that's my update for the week. Sad but true....