Saturday, April 26, 2014

Social anxiety

 I don't know why this is, but I have a pretty good case of social anxiety.

 Granted, I'm not this way with people I'm comfortable with or going to places I want to go (ie-My cousin's graduation party), but generally, I have social anxiety. I literally panic at the thought of going some places.

 My therapist suggested at the start of my work with her to read the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. It's a pretty good book that suggests that depression comes from a negative thought pattern. Change your negative thought pattern and you rid yourself of depression.

 One of the suggestions Burns gives is to make up a chart to use when negative thoughts enter your mind. The chart has three columns. The first column is your negative thought. The second column is the cognitive distortion (You have to read the book to know what this means.). The final column are rational thoughts to combat the negative thoughts.

 I won't show you my charts, but I can tell you it has helped me to make these charts. I actually feel better and can talk myself down from my social anxiety. These charts have also shown me I'm a people pleaser and actually need to start saying no more often to avoid the anxiety.

 I don't know how fast I can kick this social anxiety, but I'll sure try through my work on this. I may never kick it, but through learning positive thinking, I can probably tone it down quite a bit. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Old World

 I decided I was going to take a free outing today and drove myself to Old World. I've never been and it's free, so hey! What's not to love? :)

 This is a cute little German village but pretty desolate. I don't know how they manage to stay in business. It surprised me that people actually live there also. I would think that would be nuts around the time of Oktoberfest. Easy for your house guests to find though!

 Enjoy the pictures!














Wednesday, April 23, 2014

My blog posts lately...

 A summary of my blog posts lately:

 1. I have #nofilter lately and am telling y'all too much about my medical problems.

 2. I'm spending too much time at the doctor's lately.

 3. I'm too fat.

 4. Did I mention I'm spending too much time at the doctor's lately?

 This too shall pass. Hopefully I can look back upon these posts one day and give myself a pat on the back. 

Saturday, April 19, 2014

#nofilter

 A friend nicely informed me just now that my blog posts are way too personal.

 I know. I guess you could say I have #nofilter right now-and I don't care.

 Call me nuts, but I feel that I'm at a point in my life where I just don't care. I want to get raw and personal. I'm not perfect (by no stretch of the imagination). I'm way too fat and am having physical problems with it as a result. (Not all of them are related to that though.) I'm being treated for depression and possibly more (Not crazy-I need to have a brain MRI done). My family is nuts (Not kidding here.). And my work life is suffering-possibly due to all my problems. I just don't care if y'all know. I really don't.

 Call me nuts, but I don't. I don't care if the world knows.

 Granted, I'll probably delete all of my way too personal posts in the future, but for right now, I don't care if you all know.

 I'd like to think that this behavior is healthy. That by admitting my shortcomings and stresses right now that I can move forward in a healthy manner to live the most productive, happy life possible. I hope so.

 And maybe, just maybe, someone else reading this can know that they're not alone when they read about a depressed person with a weight problem, struggling to get through it all. I hope so.

 Happy reading!

 (The filter will come back eventually and I'll come to my senses.) 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

No more!

 I hit a point today and said no more.

 I had a doctor's appointment this morning with a doctor I don't really like. I've seen him a few times now and he has just been weird. I've cringed every.single.visit. He did surgery on me last month and actually told my mom afterwords how important it was for me to stay on my antidepressants due to my psychological issues (depression...)!!! Um, has this doctor not heard of confidentiality?! 

 The doctor was supposed to remove something today that needs to be done. It's not urgent but needs to be done. I woke up early with a dreaded feeling of seeing this man. I seriously dreaded seeing this man and felt angry and violated. I'm not kidding you. I was pissed that he told my mother what he did and didn't own up to it. I hate his bedside manner. I just get an overall creepy feeling of this doctor.

 "Then why are you seeing him?" I asked myself. "You do have a choice of several doctors in that practice."

 And so, I made up an excuse to cancel the appointment, because I didn't know if I would be charged or not (I wasn't). When they called me back to reschedule I simply said I wanted to reschedule with a new doctor. No questions were asked and I have an appointment next month with a new doctor.

 I think that women more than men are prone to putting up with uncomfortable situations for a long time, like I did. We are people pleasers to the extreme. I want to like people and give people second and third chances. I'm stubborn that way. Unfortunately, I didn't say no soon enough. This is a habit I need to seriously break. If my gut tells me no, I need to listen to it if I have a choice in the matter. (Which I do.)

 Are you a people pleaser and try to stick things out longer than you need to?


Sunday, April 13, 2014

Brittany's Graduation Party

 A non-medical post!

 So a distant cousin graduated from nursing school and threw a graduation party. Her mom invited me and I was happy to go.


Not my favorite photo due to my triple chins and frizzy hair, but this just proves that I get out of the house every once in awhile. Lol


Brittany's a talented baker who makes cakes and cupcakes as a side business. She did a cute job with these. 


She also did a cute job with the dessert table. 


And I'm a little weird with dessert shots.  


Brittany also made cake pops that were really cute. 


A new RN needs a cute wine glass. :) 

 It was nice to finally meet Brittany and her mom. (LONG STORY) I hope it's not years before I see them again... 

Monday, April 7, 2014

April goals....

 It's April, which means a new round of goals to shoot for!

 Interpersonal: 

 Attend small group once.

Physical: 

Walk at the park across the street one day per week.

Spiritual: 

Attend church twice.

Personal: 

Get hair done.

Professional: 

Send out resumes and write two freelance articles.

------------------------------------------------

Aaaaand, how did I do with last month's goals?

Interpersonal: Attend Art Walk and talk to one person. Nope.(Social anxiety due to the biggest wart in the world on my eyebrow kept me home.)

Physical: Walk five days per week, unless it's raining or am deathly ill. Hahahahaha. So that would be a no....

Spiritual: Attend church once. More than accomplished.

Personal: Get hair done. Nope.

Professional: Send out five resumes and write one freelance article. Done.

Okay, so two out of five accomplished. I'll aim for more this month. 

My life...

 I've been absent again these last couple of weeks. I just honestly had nothing to write. But life did happen!

 -We had an earthquake in my neck of the woods that made international news! We had a 5.1 earthquake that knocked things off shelves. I had a few pictures fall off a shelf and a cup break, but that was really it. I'm also glad I was home when it hit, because I had to hold onto my bedroom lamp while standing in the doorway. That thing was swaying like crazy and would have been a broken mess all over my bedroom floor if I would have been gone. Neighbors also checked on each other too in my complex. It's one of the reasons why I like living here. I really do have good neighbors, even if some are, um, colorful.... I had to hold one neighbor's dog while she swept up glass.

 There was some damage down the block from me though, as an apartment building had some units that were deemed unsafe due to earthquake damage. The city also had several water mains that broke. Ironically though, the city where the epicenter hit (my hometown) didn't have a ton of damage. I guess they have better infrastructure than the city I live in??? Everyone's anxiety was through the roof because there were aftershocks one after the other.

-Legendary LA Laker AC Green spoke at my church! He was a great speaker and could really preach it! I was happy that I got some publicity for my church from this too in the local section of the paper! My pictures weren't that great, but here's one I took of him with my pastor. (Everybody and their mama wanted a picture with him, which is the only reason why I don't have a photo with him...)



-And, of course, I'm at the doctor's.... I'll admit that my mood has been all over the place because I got a diagnosis that won't kill me, but that I'll have to keep up on. I won't go into detail, but it's kind of depressing for many reasons. And my mammogram came back with something abnormal, so I'll have an ultrasound for that Wednesday. And I have a brain MRI in 2 weeks... Can I have any more fun?? At least I'm done with surgeries-knock on wood...