Sunday, January 26, 2014

Facing reality and other stuff...

 Reality smacked me in the face this week. Hard.

 I'll admit that I'm prideful and try to do the best I can with a lot of things in my life. I've been trying to avoid something though. Reality laughed at me though this past week, as I could no longer avoid it. It came on strong and forcefully, which left me feeling a bit ashamed when all was said and done. Really, its been 8 years in the making and now, it's here. I knew this day was coming. No one would listen when I said no. I was right though! (Go figure!) I feel like I'm lying to the world and presenting a fake front, which I want to be done with. Will get into this more in the future, but needless to say, I'm depressed and trying to work through it.

 Reality totally has a way of biting you in the ass when you need it most. I need it now. I'm just not getting full-time employment even though I'm freelancing. I wonder what I'm doing during the interviews to sabotage myself. Also, like the rest of the world, I need to lose weight and am sabotaging myself with that one too. Badly. I'm just a mess!

 I know that I need to handle this and started to do just that over a week ago. I did an intake with a therapist through my medical group and she confirmed what I thought-I have major depressive disorder. I've got to admit that I'm impressed with this medical group because the therapist immediately hooked me up with my appointments this week. I see the therapist first (different one) and get in to the psychiatrist for medication the next day. We had a chat about medication, which I'm not thrilled about but see her point.

 Depression is an incredibly serious problem that many people are told to just simply "deal with." It's just part of life, so get over it and live, they say. Just fight through it.

  In the United States, roughly 3.5 percent of people who suffer from depression commit suicide. Sixty percent of those who committed suicide have depression. Tell your cousin who killed himself that he should have just "dealt with it." I guarantee you that the bootstraps you wanted him to pull himself up with were the things he hung himself with.

 I ask all of you to have compassion for those dealing with depression. I also ask you to see depression as the serious health problem it is.

 We need that. Badly.

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