A Note To The Parents Of Lyda Loudon
Dear Gina Loudon,
I read your blog post about your daughter Lyda and her boyfriend, who I watched in Scarface ages ago. I write this to give you my perspective on age difference relationships. I, too, have been there and would like to offer my perspective as you and your husband go through this time.
I have to admit that I gasped a little when seeing the now viral paparazzi pic of your daughter with Steven Bauer.
"What the hell?! A 39-year age difference?!" I said to myself.
I stopped myself then and remembered.
Who was I to judge? After all, I dated a much older man too when I was a youngster.
Granted though, things were a little different in my situation. I was five years older than your daughter, almost out of college and the man I dated was only a meager 19 years older than me. A spring chicken compared to a 57-year-old! :)
I hooked up with M a week after breaking up with my normal age difference boyfriend. M and I met at my college internship. He was an employee there and was a nice, yet geeky guy. We established a friendship and he offered to help me out with getting a portfolio together the weekend I broke up with my boyfriend. We met at Denny's and he asked me out that night to a Dodger baseball game. Naive and still thinking he wanted to be friends, I said sure.
I told him to meet me at my parents house and I'd be there shortly after going to a friend's party. Seems logical enough, right?
I get to my parents house and we leave for the game. I saw the geekiness and possible ADHD that night. I nearly held on to the passenger side door as he drove us back on the freeway. He dropped me off at my parents and I literally ran to the door after thanking him for taking me to the game.
Whoo! I was out of the car! I made a mental note to distance myself from him.
The next day came and my mother was angry with me that I was late getting there. I won't divulge what the fight was about, but it was beyond stupid. I was so angry at my parents and their anger towards me for something so ridiculous that I left. I was staying with them a few days and just had to flee the scene. I was just pissed. Where could I go for the day though?!
M's! He was an escape!
I called him crying and asked if I could just simply come over to talk. (Yes, I was a quite naive 23-year-old...) He said sure and added in to bring my swim suit, for we'd go swimming in his condo pool.
I went over and vented. He agreed with me that it was ridiculous. He said we should go to dinner and a movie that night. Sure? What the hell... I changed and we went swimming. Oh was he touchy touchy in the pool. Nothing sexual, but I knew...
We went out that night and made out during the movie. On the ride home. In the pool again. It's seriously amazing we didn't have sex in there. Not kidding you!
And so, I was dating an older man.
My parents anger soon subsided. They were in shock that I was dating an older man.
To their credit, they didn't overreact to this. There were some similarities that they got to know. He was born in the same state as my dad and actually lived in the city my dad was born in. M's family was a lot like my dad's. My parents talked to him. They listened. They invited him over for the holidays. Even though politically they vehemently disagreed, they knew he was overall not a bad soul and somewhat liked him. Somewhat....
Among my friends, Robyn was the first to hear about M. I visited her one evening at her apartment and told her I was dating a guy 19 years older than me. The first thing she asked was if he was married. No. Did he have children? No. She was okay with it then. Which brings me to this point-STEVEN BAUER HAS TWO CHILDREN OLDER THAN HER! I had to say it....
I think I hooked up with M that evening because it was a novel thing for me to do. I had never rebounded so fast after breaking up with someone. I think I also wanted someone to take care of me. I even joked with him at one point during our relationship that he could have been a teenage dad to me. He knew that. I had also never dated someone so much older. I kind of liked the adventure. And, like you said about your daughter, I'm kind of an old soul myself.
To be fair, M had also never dated someone so much younger than him and was also just happy to be dating again. I think we needed each other right then. Sad to say....
There was positive in the relationship with him. We went on adventures together. I went to San Francisco with him one Thanksgiving. We stayed with his sister, who lived in a nearby suburb. We would take day trips together and I actually could intelligently watch the Oscars that year because we literally saw all the movies for Best Picture. He also would tell me that I couldn't ever give up on goals. It just was not something I should ever do.
Honestly though, THERE WAS A NINETEEN YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE. I didn't want to bring him to parties with me because I knew he wouldn't fit in and would probably argue with my Christian friends. (Don't tell me that your daughter's friends want to hang out with a 57-year-old man. Don't tell me that your daughter would want him to either. I wouldn't believe it.) We didn't like the same foods. He swings too far left for right-of-center me. I finally broke it off with him 11 months later. Oh, we thought we could be friends though. Hah. I learned then that it's not possible.
You seem to consider this a left and right issue when you state in your post, "It would be interesting to see how “tolerant” the left is when the woman in question isn’t one of them. It would be interesting to see the “Christian compassion” of the right when it came to this story as well."
Um, tolerance isn't the issue here. Compassion isn't the issue either. This isn't a right/left issue. This is an issue of a barely legal girl possibly being abused by an older man. I asked myself whether I would have dated an older man at age 18 and the answer is no. I had a father who would have killed any older man who touched me then. I had a healthy fear of my parents then, which your daughter obviously doesn't have.
I shook my head as I read your logic.
"I told myself, there are worse things. She could be an addict or a bad person. She could be in rebellion against us or living carelessly. She isn’t."
Bahahaha. She's rebelling. Who the hell are you kidding?
"We have never had a concerned moment with Lyda. She will tell you that she is far from perfect, but she does not drink (despite tabloid reports)... She is committed to waiting until she is married to have sex."
Despite tabloid reports. Hahaha. And sex will come into play. Trust me. HE'S A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH TWO KIDS THAT ARE OLDER THAN YOUR DAUGHTER!
One thing I do agree with you on is that the situation needs prayer. It's not good. It doesn't sound like you endorse this relationship, but it also sounds like your daughter doesn't have a healthy fear of you either. Headstrong is good, to a point.
Your daughter will probably break up with him. Too much is against them here and the differences are probably great. Don't be naive though in the process about your little angel.
God Bless You,
Kim
I read your blog post about your daughter Lyda and her boyfriend, who I watched in Scarface ages ago. I write this to give you my perspective on age difference relationships. I, too, have been there and would like to offer my perspective as you and your husband go through this time.
I have to admit that I gasped a little when seeing the now viral paparazzi pic of your daughter with Steven Bauer.
"What the hell?! A 39-year age difference?!" I said to myself.
I stopped myself then and remembered.
Who was I to judge? After all, I dated a much older man too when I was a youngster.
Granted though, things were a little different in my situation. I was five years older than your daughter, almost out of college and the man I dated was only a meager 19 years older than me. A spring chicken compared to a 57-year-old! :)
I hooked up with M a week after breaking up with my normal age difference boyfriend. M and I met at my college internship. He was an employee there and was a nice, yet geeky guy. We established a friendship and he offered to help me out with getting a portfolio together the weekend I broke up with my boyfriend. We met at Denny's and he asked me out that night to a Dodger baseball game. Naive and still thinking he wanted to be friends, I said sure.
I told him to meet me at my parents house and I'd be there shortly after going to a friend's party. Seems logical enough, right?
I get to my parents house and we leave for the game. I saw the geekiness and possible ADHD that night. I nearly held on to the passenger side door as he drove us back on the freeway. He dropped me off at my parents and I literally ran to the door after thanking him for taking me to the game.
Whoo! I was out of the car! I made a mental note to distance myself from him.
The next day came and my mother was angry with me that I was late getting there. I won't divulge what the fight was about, but it was beyond stupid. I was so angry at my parents and their anger towards me for something so ridiculous that I left. I was staying with them a few days and just had to flee the scene. I was just pissed. Where could I go for the day though?!
M's! He was an escape!
I called him crying and asked if I could just simply come over to talk. (Yes, I was a quite naive 23-year-old...) He said sure and added in to bring my swim suit, for we'd go swimming in his condo pool.
I went over and vented. He agreed with me that it was ridiculous. He said we should go to dinner and a movie that night. Sure? What the hell... I changed and we went swimming. Oh was he touchy touchy in the pool. Nothing sexual, but I knew...
We went out that night and made out during the movie. On the ride home. In the pool again. It's seriously amazing we didn't have sex in there. Not kidding you!
And so, I was dating an older man.
My parents anger soon subsided. They were in shock that I was dating an older man.
To their credit, they didn't overreact to this. There were some similarities that they got to know. He was born in the same state as my dad and actually lived in the city my dad was born in. M's family was a lot like my dad's. My parents talked to him. They listened. They invited him over for the holidays. Even though politically they vehemently disagreed, they knew he was overall not a bad soul and somewhat liked him. Somewhat....
Among my friends, Robyn was the first to hear about M. I visited her one evening at her apartment and told her I was dating a guy 19 years older than me. The first thing she asked was if he was married. No. Did he have children? No. She was okay with it then. Which brings me to this point-STEVEN BAUER HAS TWO CHILDREN OLDER THAN HER! I had to say it....
I think I hooked up with M that evening because it was a novel thing for me to do. I had never rebounded so fast after breaking up with someone. I think I also wanted someone to take care of me. I even joked with him at one point during our relationship that he could have been a teenage dad to me. He knew that. I had also never dated someone so much older. I kind of liked the adventure. And, like you said about your daughter, I'm kind of an old soul myself.
To be fair, M had also never dated someone so much younger than him and was also just happy to be dating again. I think we needed each other right then. Sad to say....
There was positive in the relationship with him. We went on adventures together. I went to San Francisco with him one Thanksgiving. We stayed with his sister, who lived in a nearby suburb. We would take day trips together and I actually could intelligently watch the Oscars that year because we literally saw all the movies for Best Picture. He also would tell me that I couldn't ever give up on goals. It just was not something I should ever do.
Honestly though, THERE WAS A NINETEEN YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE. I didn't want to bring him to parties with me because I knew he wouldn't fit in and would probably argue with my Christian friends. (Don't tell me that your daughter's friends want to hang out with a 57-year-old man. Don't tell me that your daughter would want him to either. I wouldn't believe it.) We didn't like the same foods. He swings too far left for right-of-center me. I finally broke it off with him 11 months later. Oh, we thought we could be friends though. Hah. I learned then that it's not possible.
You seem to consider this a left and right issue when you state in your post, "It would be interesting to see how “tolerant” the left is when the woman in question isn’t one of them. It would be interesting to see the “Christian compassion” of the right when it came to this story as well."
Um, tolerance isn't the issue here. Compassion isn't the issue either. This isn't a right/left issue. This is an issue of a barely legal girl possibly being abused by an older man. I asked myself whether I would have dated an older man at age 18 and the answer is no. I had a father who would have killed any older man who touched me then. I had a healthy fear of my parents then, which your daughter obviously doesn't have.
I shook my head as I read your logic.
"I told myself, there are worse things. She could be an addict or a bad person. She could be in rebellion against us or living carelessly. She isn’t."
Bahahaha. She's rebelling. Who the hell are you kidding?
"We have never had a concerned moment with Lyda. She will tell you that she is far from perfect, but she does not drink (despite tabloid reports)... She is committed to waiting until she is married to have sex."
Despite tabloid reports. Hahaha. And sex will come into play. Trust me. HE'S A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH TWO KIDS THAT ARE OLDER THAN YOUR DAUGHTER!
One thing I do agree with you on is that the situation needs prayer. It's not good. It doesn't sound like you endorse this relationship, but it also sounds like your daughter doesn't have a healthy fear of you either. Headstrong is good, to a point.
Your daughter will probably break up with him. Too much is against them here and the differences are probably great. Don't be naive though in the process about your little angel.
God Bless You,
Kim
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